image by Foxcroft Academy
“I need someone to hold me accountable”
Whenever someone comes in, sits down on the couch and tells me this, I always ask, “What do you think accountability is?”
The typical answers go something like this:
- “I need someone to give me a kick up the butt.”
- “If I tell everyone my goals, then I will have to follow through.”
- “You’ll push me”
Or in general,
“Someone will make sure there are unpleasant consequences if I don’t do what I said I would do.”
Scratch the surface, and we find there are a couple of things going on here.
This boils down to fear, and often, feeling ashamed as well.
- “I wasted my money on a gym membership I don’t use”
- “My trainer won’t keep helping me”
- “I let down the people who invested their time and energy in me”
- “I told all my friends and now I’ve failed”
Looking to “someone else” to take responsibility for your results is not a great idea. Fitness and food are two things that other people can't do for you. So don't be dis-empowered by giving away your responsibility for you.
I really think this form of accountability is unhealthy and unhelpful.
Unfortunately, it's also very common in the fitness industry.
So if it shouldn't be about fear and shame, then what is “accountability”?
I like this definition of accountability; “One’s ability to give an account of themselves”.
To do this, you need to be honest about what you have and haven’t done.
When you give an account of your actions, you need to be able to trust the person you are with, that they won’t judge you, shame you, reject you, give up on you or otherwise give you negative vibes.
Instead, they will help you to understand what is working, what is not working and why. They will offer ideas and advice on how to avoid repeating mistakes, and they will celebrate when things go well. You need to know that they are in it with you.
In my coaching, I help shift the mindset from fear, shame and avoidance of responsibility, to honesty, trust and acceptance of responsibility.
To partnership and empowerment.
Instead of “holding you accountable” I will “hold a space for you to be accountable”.
In practice, it involves four steps:
- Inspiration – Knowing where you want to be, and why you want to be there will inspire you, and being inspired creates a strong sense of motivation. Your what and your why need to be personal, and meaningful to you.
- Clarity – Having a clear plan, knowing the steps you need to take to get where you want to be.
- Momentum – Consistent actions and frequent “small victories” to keep you positive and engaged.
- Sharing – Regular, consistent check-ins with your accountability partner. In. Your. Diary.
So. if you’re ready to "be held accountable", I'm ready to work with you.
Step #1 is to book a chat with me. We'll sit on the couch and talk about what you want to do, and exactly how we can help you do it..